2006.07.12.

this one is for you.
i know somehow heaven can receive the airwaves
from my heart and tears.

shot in the head.
now i scream your name out, as you lay dead.
thoughts drift in the back of my mind.
now i only cry on the inside
as i watch my father's eyes water
as he stands beside a stone.

leave me.
leave us and him.
leave whatever you stood for and had.

nothing's left to discuss.
i write your forgotten love on my arms
praying it will bring you back.

bullet for my love.
bullet for armies across the sea.
never did i think a bullet would take you away from me.

summer days spent by the pool.
now summer nights, winter days spent missing you.
the pool dried up and was replaced with your dried blood.

love never dies.
it takes a long time
to heal.

grandpa blamed himself.
last one you conversed with.
he could have stop you
if he had known.
now everyday he wonders
what he could have done
and who thought this was the fate
you deserved.

last year this time,
i got grandma's crying call
begging for daddy.
i started to cry because
grandma cried.
i handed the phone to daddy.
daddy wept and wept.
i wept as he and i laid in each other's arms.
mom hugged us and rocked us both to sleep.

this year i woke up at five.
this year no one called.

never forgotten.
never understood.
never wanted to.
always remembered.
every day.

daddy cries sometimes.
he hung your hat over his heart.
your cigar box is on his dresser.
sometimes i go and smell them.
they smell like you.

it snowed on your grave.
i have never hated snow so much.


no one gets why
things upset me so.
that's okay.
they never have to get it.
sometimes i just need someone to hold my hand
and tell me to breathe.

you never know how much a person means to you
until they are gone.
you never feel heat until you get burned.

12 tissues per person per cry.
7 siblings left to cry in the snow.
2006 reasons to have kept you alive.
i love you.

12.07.2006.