Wednesday, December 12, 2007

kiss my sass.

so i have discovered myspace.
i love it.
haha; mspace is soo four years ago.
ah, well.


tired of posers
yet where would we be without heartless mannequin's
doing it for all the wrong reasons?
oh, yeah better off.

i always get the shit of life and never the splendid.
the glass is never half full. i was late. someone better
got there first and drank it.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

drama doesn't follow me, it rides on my back.

god, i'm so sick of this game you and i seem to play.
well, fuck you i know who my real friends are.
i'm threw with your shit and her shit.
trust means NOTHING TO YOU.
well fine.
have it your way.


drop name of the day: BITCH.
current mood: pissed
current band: nightmare of you.

Friday, December 7, 2007

2006.07.12.

this one is for you.
i know somehow heaven can receive the airwaves
from my heart and tears.

shot in the head.
now i scream your name out, as you lay dead.
thoughts drift in the back of my mind.
now i only cry on the inside
as i watch my father's eyes water
as he stands beside a stone.

leave me.
leave us and him.
leave whatever you stood for and had.

nothing's left to discuss.
i write your forgotten love on my arms
praying it will bring you back.

bullet for my love.
bullet for armies across the sea.
never did i think a bullet would take you away from me.

summer days spent by the pool.
now summer nights, winter days spent missing you.
the pool dried up and was replaced with your dried blood.

love never dies.
it takes a long time
to heal.

grandpa blamed himself.
last one you conversed with.
he could have stop you
if he had known.
now everyday he wonders
what he could have done
and who thought this was the fate
you deserved.

last year this time,
i got grandma's crying call
begging for daddy.
i started to cry because
grandma cried.
i handed the phone to daddy.
daddy wept and wept.
i wept as he and i laid in each other's arms.
mom hugged us and rocked us both to sleep.

this year i woke up at five.
this year no one called.

never forgotten.
never understood.
never wanted to.
always remembered.
every day.

daddy cries sometimes.
he hung your hat over his heart.
your cigar box is on his dresser.
sometimes i go and smell them.
they smell like you.

it snowed on your grave.
i have never hated snow so much.


no one gets why
things upset me so.
that's okay.
they never have to get it.
sometimes i just need someone to hold my hand
and tell me to breathe.

you never know how much a person means to you
until they are gone.
you never feel heat until you get burned.

12 tissues per person per cry.
7 siblings left to cry in the snow.
2006 reasons to have kept you alive.
i love you.

12.07.2006.

Monday, December 3, 2007

puff puff [pass yourself] straight up [to Him]

Your eyes water.
the smoke chokes you.
your stupidity at its finest.
slowly killing you in plain view.
nail up your coffin.
give cancer to yourself.
your enemy is the thing you breathe.
i plea that you stop.
you plea that you not.

viva la addiction
its like a horror picture
caption in bold "kill me now and whoever else is around".

Oh, please Daddy don't leave me.
oh please Daddy don't.
Oh, please Daddy don't leave me.
oh please Daddy don't.
Oh, please Daddy don't leave me.
oh please Daddy don't.
Oh, please Daddy don't leave me.
oh please Daddy don't.

light one up every time stress runs through your veins.
just drift in the haze until it runs you away.
i hope they make you better as they make me cry.
i hope they make you better as they make me cry.
you're going to be dead with all that smoke gone to your head.
keep, keep buying more until you see Jesus at your door.
smoking kills and its killing me to see this.
smoking kills and its killing me to see this.

so puff puff those cigarettes until they take your last breath.

for everyone who though differently

i used to cry out of despair.
now i cry out of anger at
myself and the world.
my fortune was left untold.



the only credit you deserve
is the scars on my wrists,
my bleeding heart,
and the broken hallelujah sung in the dark.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

just some stuff.

i've been screwed over by you so many times
that i think you should switch to nails.
and just nail my coffin up tight.


oh, pretty little girl.
you're nothing special.
you're never great.
youre just the girl
no one appreciates.

thanks for listening
to me cry.
thanks for holding my hair
when i drank too much that night.
thanks for the bandaid on my wrists,
sewing my heart together at the seams.
thanks for making me drink tons of water to make up for
lost time and tears.
you were always dependable throughout the years.

Friday, November 23, 2007

tragic tradition.

this is a tragic tradition of slit, slit,
nick, nick, my, my wrist,
oh, so healthy habits of hate.
never bothered to check the date.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

hateful holidays.

don't call me with a kiss when the ball drops.
i hope you choke on your christmas cookies and
burn the those hallmark cards your fireplace,
when the snow's coming down,coming down fast.
i hope you get coal in your stocking.
happy new years baby. i hope it's filled with more lies
than the past year. send the record through the roof.
i hope your tree catches on fire and leaves you loveless.
i hope that strangle yourself in lights, and the radio
plays the same songs every night.
i hope you get frostbit and your fingers fall off.
i hope someone ices the sidewalks by your house and
hot chocolate burns your tongue.
merryless christmas.
i hope you run over to the mall to get your photo taken
with the red man, and he refuses to see you because
you're not worth it.
you're slut and santa knows. ho. he knows. ho.
so this is why i am taking my time and
wishing you hateful holiday.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

you're a bitch.
die in your sleep.
no wait. i dont want that guilt
but go away.
i won't miss you.
fuckingass.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

WAIT!
remembered.

with you i'm always left guessing and second chancing.
its like a twisted game of trying to find a needle in a haystack.

silent minds speak louder words than you could ever say.
you're dumber than you appear and they are smarter than you think.
its all a silly hoodwink.
i had a few more.
i just forgot to write 'em down.
fiddlesticks.
if you are going to mock me,
by all means go ahead.
in the end the jury will win
and the gavel will sound and
you will be left in exile or
perhaps in jail dead.
hiding coke in a cross and praying no one noticed.
you're the only saint going to hell.
i've had enough of your god damn lies.
save your breathe for the devil.

write your sins in red pen.
the devil kills the churchmen
and asked you were you've been.
in-grown heart,
drowning in antiseptics of forgotten dreams.
don't forget to tell yourself things are not as they seen.
hidden underground.
cut your excuses, cut my hearts to bits.
you the doctor who couldn't save anyone let alone himself.

we all have problems.
lets not pretend that you haven't started any.

Friday, November 9, 2007

i love how you just respect me and what i want.

sdoldskljlkdfssjklsdj. mood: apathetic

you always have these comments to say, try to live your life this way..
follow your own advice and maybe it will lead you in the right direction
right off some cliff.


i dont need my life to be witting exaggerated.
i don't need your less than barbie remarks.
i don't need for your life to make a fool of mine.
i don't need you.
i never will.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

today was a bad day.
i am a terrible writer.
i wonder why i try.

o joy to the school desks and the names that cut to the quick.

techocolored dreams, and sun-drenched stars.
this infinity of pure light made my eyes heavy
and my love hopeless.



everything heard was a lie and the sad, pathetic
thing about this is for a moment i believed in you.



dear,Next Mother Theresa.
oh, you're a saint.
you really are.
killing me with my bruised up heart.
i hope your cannoniztion is nitroglycerinly beautiful.
love, Your [dead] Friend who you stabbed with a cross and sealed her coffin with a kiss.




my heart was shattered and those butterflies lay dead.

Monday, November 5, 2007

math is as simple as: a+134-cb/ vgfh=love.

i got bored in math.

your tiny heart wasn't
big enough for my love.
your quirks were too
much for me.
your crazy insanity,
drove you out of my reality.





black tongues cursed with evil words.
your tricks never worked.
thirds beat the golden boy winner in record time.
your heart was lead-shackled, and sank.
that golden feather crime won over and
put you to shame.
the beating in my mind finally ceased to irk.


i dont know. shut up.

diamonds are a girl's best friend. too bad for you all your friends hated you.

diamond heart,
cold as ice,
unbreakable.
you'll never give into his love.
no one will ever be able to pay your price.
golden key- so many locks.
you were always the gem in his young life.

Saturday, October 13, 2007



cariann's paolo is amazing.

Friday, October 12, 2007

best friends.

best friends forever.
those friends for never.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

not caring.

im not caring about what you do. i only care about myself.

pondering.

pondering about my life and whether i deserve another chance.
oh, i just assumed.
if it makes your picture prefect, i'll paint myself out.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

freedom -.-

i was always the girl with the most potential,
but i never got the part.
i never had enough gut or my heart always spill to much.

little miss sunshine was replaced.
the only weather left is overcast sky, sprinkled with lies.

oh, you can't tell?
o,well this is living hell.

Monday, October 8, 2007

you > me

just little two liners. had to put 'em somewhere. comment if you want to.


my confidence came in an over-priced jar,
that left me marked down.

words and wrists slurred.
she is serving up this year with a smile.

Friday, October 5, 2007

god's tv: a bit of a spinoff.

there in all the angels and the airwaves,
there with rabbit ears and all, sat God's tv.
prime time, all the time.
his loving eyes strained; as we strain for answers.
are you there? do you even listen? do you even care?

all i have so far gina and maria.
comments.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

you can breathe. you can breathe now, but the air is running out of you.

o god. there are times when i am so lost that it scares me.
i shouldnt have friends. they can do soo much better than me.

asteroid mind.

i've always been that girl with the lopsided crown.
the one who won thrift shop prom queen hands down.
then as the last dance played, i was left under the torn-down streamers.
my dress in shreds, and my heart in need of a neon colored cast,
i walked home in the fog.
i cried and had cupid sew my heart with a silver lining
because i never could get it right.
i always had the right mind, but the wrong idea for these sort of things.
so this is me, the girl with the silver-lined heart desperate
for pink tuxed prom king wearing his converse, who fell where the sidewalk almost ended and in all the chaos of her fall, in the crack of the concrete a small daisy grew.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

latin, moonunits, cute boys, and debate clubs: wonders of high school.

school stills blows :]
debate club is pretty much amazing and my favorite club currently.
i love my new friends thoughhh <3

gah. thats it.

Friday, September 28, 2007

everyone's a letdown...

so i dunno. i just am not happy for long periods of time. i am happy for a as long as i have a good laugh but then thats it. i have an illness. i cant remember the last time i was ever truly happy. i yeah i fucking remember now......

i am sick of school.
i miss you terribly.
i have messed this up.
i am sorry.
this closet sleepness gives me horrid neck cramps.
i wonder if anyone reads this.
i wonder if he notices on how i am no longer there.
i hate this. two friends. one war. shit happening. i cant this anymore.
i am prolly going to a football game next week. yay football.
i curious about homecoming....

until next broadcast. hasta la vista.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

do you really wanna be a part of it?

i am so sick of pretending. you wanna know me? fine, bitch, let's get to know me.
but when this is started you will be forever part of this circle. forever remaining burdened by my many problems. you don't want to be my friend. you don't know what you're in for. you are better off alone. i am better off on the wrong side of town in some gutter.
this is a seasonal affair, babe. i differ from season to season. i am losing myself on this keyboard. try to make it logical. you can't and you never will.

blades, ahoy.

i wonder if ponyboy loves me. after all he loved a good outsider.

jesus, i miss my friends. damn timeline.

my insides are copper. i would kill to make 'em gold.

i hope you lose sleep over me. god, knows i haven't slept a wink since you.

i hate you two faced mofos.

i am angry person. i sometimes will cringe and flinch at my thoughts. this is normal. relax.

honestly, im messed up but im not scary. i am sick of that sterotype. i am tall and big but i wont kill you.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

somehow in all this chaos we found safety.

so basically high school blows. i hate high honors and latin and i honest dont care if i drop out of them and you hate me. life is too short to hate it. i am a hard worker and even a harder partier. RIGHT NOW i just cant deal.

blades. ahoy.

love, stargirl.

to kill a mockingbird a second time.

to miss your best friends terribly.

i wish i was a movie star.

went to the met. it was amazing. i got a good story ideas and was writing it down on napkins like crazy. should be interesting.

going on the tour in a few days. am freaking pumped.

i just wannna let go and drown myself out of the world.

i wonder if god likes to watch his big tv of the world all the time or if he really listens or even is there?


-.-

Saturday, August 18, 2007

wild thing tour.

i want to go to that concert sooooooooo bad. please baby jesus send me to that concert.
it is my dream to meet them and if only for a moment all my dreams came true.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

remember that time we bowled in canada? eh? the good ole days...

i'm back in the states and in boston with my family :]
offically will be back at home on friday!!!!
i missed ju!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

copyrightcariann

i changed my blog template and it loooks like cariann's but cariann had it first. i can't claim rights. its not my fault she has good blog taste and its pretty :] but if she wants i shall change it.

note: when re-entering the states don't bring drugs with you

so i am not using my hotel's computer [it doesn't have one] but using the hotel's computer across the street. it won't let me on facebook which makes me sad.

today we drove and re-entered the states.
i'm tired and sick of driving and oliver twist.

my ipod's speakers are shot [too loud too long].
so now they fade in and out.
>.<

went shopping today. nothing exciting.
but i was paying for this pig and a dragon thing and the cashier sung the 'spiderpig' song and the at the end the bag boy was like and "two spider-dragons whatever they do!"
it was mad funny. guess you had to be there.

eeekk.. i'm in serious need of my laptop and my bed and dunkin's.

the term "FU" has lost all meaning.

nothing of real news to report.

v-ball tryouts are soon. school starts soon. cariann's party to look forward to :]
skate camp next week with the loves. still single. its all pretty good.

till tmo where i will be at my aunt's house and have computer access almost all day.
yays.

love you <3

Monday, August 13, 2007

the canada scene: please let me scream

so today was boring because we drove a lot.

my ipod was restored to its former glory but i think the earbuds are shot because i listen to it so loud and for long periods of time.

oliver twist remains unfinished.

so funny story. they was this walking trail that followed along with the road and a boy around my age by the looks of it was running on it. so in the car i shouted "run, monkey. run!" and right after the boy looks directly at our car and from inside he is like looking directly at me. it was so freaky but funny. i honestly wonder if he heard me though because he wasn't that close. he was adorable too.

i walked into the men's restroom today.

it rained a lot today.

a grandmother commented on my fall out boy hoodie. she was like "such a lovely hoodie on a young lady". i take it as a compliment.

till some other day.
loves <3

Saturday, August 11, 2007

ahhh the maple leaves. glorious, eh?

so today was pretty cool EXCEPT MY FREAKING IPOD DIED AND I HAD NO ESCAPE! yak.yak.yak.
my cell was also dead so i had no means of communication. -.-

finished ECLIPSEE! was INCREDIBLE! honestly i think every boyfriend should be like edward <----that was a tip boys.

went go-karting and it was pretty interesting. i didn't crash or come in last, you morons who think i would...

a girl at A&W liked my fall out boy hoodie <3 i was glad someone liked it.

everything here is written in english and french. its kinda of cool but i wouldn't admit it out loud.

i went to this great store i found :] tall kids store. i liked it. i bought stuff.

so basically i am coming close to asking the front desk people for sissors and cut my hair and run to walmart across the street and dye my hair like orange so it won't be normal before school starts. ask me why and i would tell you ask to GOD.

interesting hot guys are everywhere. i must be missing the notice of a convention in town. shame isnt it?

yesterday i went to an indoor amusement park - went on the swings and a coaster. ** DIDN'T SCREAM OF TERROR. that is because the coaster sucked.

things i should do before school :
faith book for comfrimation class.
finish oliver twist.
lose some weight.
clean my room.
have a sleepover.

how many of you think any of these things are going to happen within the next few weeks? i won't discourage side bets dollfaces.


till some other time.
miss those who miss me.

Friday, August 10, 2007

canadian dream: what a stupid scene.

so here i am in Canada. yay! its fun. i'm seeing all this great stuff. my parents are making me mental. i can't remember the last time i spent this much time with them. we got into this huge discussion about me and bass guitar lessons. it wasn't pretty. my ipod is keeping me stable. i went swimming lots. Canada knows what hot is though it is slightly cooler here. :D i love Canadian BOYS! i went on a whale watxh and saw some whales, seals, puffins, and porpoises.

now that i am miles away. i have a feeling that you don't mind me faraway and talking on the phone with me bugs you. maybe we should re-consider everything and you re-pick the free puppies on the street corner and return me to the cardboard box. if i am sounding mental to you, it isn't about you really. >.<

so today i'm doing some cave exploration. should be freaking awesome.

so i had a dream that one of my friends died and had a funeral and no one called me to tell me about it. if this happens so help me god i will mourn for my dead friend and hate the living ones.

i miss those who only miss me <3

Sunday, August 5, 2007

CANADAA!

yay! i have internet at this vistor center thing. it's pretty and somewhat chilly here. i hate car rides and my ipod is keeping me sane. i now have unlimited texting so text whenever. miss some of you. i have seen no moose :[ but now i have to go to the chocolate fest!!! EH?!?!?!?!!?!?

Thursday, August 2, 2007

my canadian iced coffee igloos.

canadian adventure starts tmo. i must bowl. i must build igloos.
i hopefully will have fun because right now i don't want to go much.
i hope i will see a moose and i wont be forced to eat breakfast food -.-
hopefully will write when i can get access <3

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

crazy.

i am going crazy on how much i hate myself.

all the drunks in the world-praise christ.

so today my mom and i were driving and this drunk guy walked into the street praising Jesus and telling us to praise Jesus in a slurred voice. it was madd funny.
cariann and aubrey think so, too. <3

movies.

yesterday night i went to the movies wiff my loves.
bonnie and maggie and jimmy were just amazing. <3
the simpsons was mad funny. better than i expected.
i had a very enjoyable evening. spiderpig's pig crap is to blame!

cookies.

my computer was being stupid and wouldn't let me login, but now i am back. <3

Sunday, July 29, 2007

BITE ME!

i am now an official contributor to the legendary sound bites.
i love it. be jealous much? i thought so. <3
being nosy never looked so cool.
gina and maria and i are going to have some fun.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

talking

i have so much to say but no one wants to listen.

the higher.

*listens to 'the higher's' insurance?*
*likes the song though it is a tad bit dirty*

Friday, July 27, 2007

movies & tmo.

movies with cariann was mad fun, yo. i love her.
zac efron? (spelling?) looks better with dark hair.
john should stay a man. overall, hairspray was great.
Cariann burned me a cd and drew us in sharpies with tutus on the front.
she is amazing.
tmo: gracie's house and perhaps maggie's.
eek!! my best friend is home from europe.
stupid bitch, olivia. I WILL WHALE UR ASS.
oh...what now! btw, don't walk in any dark alleys..
i would hate to have something happen to you.
>.<

writing camp.

pictures uploaded. if anyone minds the their picture i will take it off, no prob.


emo for life, ver.


brittni being brittni.


nathan attempting to spell in name in crack only to have karl ruin it.


salt pretending to be crack.
nathan was oddly good at making crack lines.


such a ladies man, karl.


you be stylin in those lovely bug eye glasses.


jessface under a treee.



staples. virgins. crack. veronika.
salt fights. crab apple fights.
lunch. karl. men's express.
and other amazing times.
oh, yea the writing part was mediocre :D

gracie

gracie is home and i have made contact.
i'm going over her house tmo.

the wonders of buzznet





two of the most amazing guys in one photo. holy crap. <3

i'll be your fan club.

i'll be your fan club.

TONITEE!

i am wicked excited for tonight with cariann.
it's going to be amazing because she is amazing.
i like miss her terribly.

peter wentz- rehab?

i am like obsessed with pete wentz and fall out boy.
perhaps i should consider rehab...though i have no problems
with my obsessive behavior. it's everyone else who has issues.
if i did go to rehab- i think the rehab people should test me
before i leave rehab to make sure im good and have the real pete wentz
in the same room as me.
i would like pretend to be stable just to see him.
and if i did go to rehab- would anyone visit me?

early

its like 6 a.m and i listening to cobra starship.
i woke up wicked early for someone who doesn't sleep well.
i went to be at 10, got up at 1, then went back to sleep and woke up at 6.
yes, i know im amazing.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

haters



silly haters-the door to hell is that way :]
hate her and payback and karma are double-teaming bEtches.
have fun hating.

the peteband.
















dads everywhere call fall out boy the 'peteband'.

veronikaaaa

veronika: omgggg
veronika: i want to eyesex williiam beckett
me: hahah
me: is that possible?
veronika: YES
me: i want in
veronika: THREESOME
veronika: -watches semen squirt out of williams eye-
me: LAMO!
me: LMAO
me: whoops
me: :P

interesting time online with veronika.

random thoughts

i wish i had a t- mobile sidekick.
i think they are pretty and pete has one.

damn itunes. *punishes itunes to clean urinals in hell*

i had to go the dentists. eek. it hurt.

o goodness veronika :]

rawr. limewire.

*is happy*
movies with cariann tommorrow.
gracie comes home.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

1 by 1 : why?

why avatars? because i like them and they are simple and cute and to the point.
photos take to long to find sometimes but i mainly like avatars because they are small and have cute names. yes, i am five years old. i also like tutus because they are pink.

*draws blue arrow on head* here are some more enjoyable AVATARS!







alan rickman.

for some reason i love alan rickman.
i know he is old and shit but for some reason
i love it when he plays snape.



obsession.

i have a new obession about blogs and avatars.
i don't care if you don't enjoy.

william :]